1.
A grade One teacher was reading the fable of the Three Little Pigs to her
new class. The youngsters were all listening with rapt attention as their
teacher continued the story. "..And the first little pig saw a farmer
coming down the road with a wagon full of straw. So the little pig went
up to the farmer and said in his most polite voice: 'Please Sir, could I
have some of your straw so I could build a little house?'"
With this, the teacher paused, then asked the new
class, "And what do you think the farmer said, girls and boys?"
One little guy immediately put his hand in the
air. Anxious to reward this quick response, the teacher said, "Yes
Billy. What do you think he said?"
"Well," said Billy, "the farmer
probably said, 'Holy shit! A talking pig!'"
The teacher had to leave the classroom abruptly,
collapsing in the hallway outside, shaking with laughter. It was the best
answer she'd ever heard.
2. A young
Grade Two boy was at the supermarket with his Mum who was doing the weekly
shopping. At the checkout counter, there was a very large woman in front
of them. As the checkout person scanned each item in her cart, there was
a continuing "Beep. Beep. Beep".
After listening to this beeping for a while,
the little guy tugged at his Mum's hand urgently and said, "Better
look out Mum, I think she's backing up."
3. Some younger
elementary school kids were asked what they thought Love was. Here are
some of their responses:
* "When
someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know your
name is safe in their mouth."
* "Love is that first feeling you have before all the bad stuff gets
in the way."
* "Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't
yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings."
* "If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend
who you hate."
* Love is what's in the room at Christmas if you stop opening presents
and listen."
* "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
* "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears
it every day."
* "Love is like a little old man and a little old woman who are still
friends even after they know each other so well."
* "Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken."
* "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But
if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
4. Some kids aged 6 to 10 were asked BIG questions.
Q: How do you decide who to marry?
A: No person really decides before they grow up who they�re going to marry. God decides it way before, and you get to find out later who you�re stuck with.
A: You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like sports too and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Q: How can a stranger tell if a couple is married?
A: You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
Q: How would you make a marriage work?
A: Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
5. Kids Give Some Good Advice
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
When your Dad is mad and asks you, �Do I look stupid?� Don�t answer.
Never tell your Mum her diet is not working.
When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don�t let her brush your hair.
Never hold a Dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
A puppy always has bad breath even after eating a TicTac.
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
Don�t pick on your sister when she�s holding a baseball bat.
Never try to baptise a cat.
6. A doctor tells this story about her 4 year old daughter. On the morning drive to drop off her daughter at preschool, the doctor noticed she had left her stethascope on the back seat. During the trip, her daughter picked it up and began playing with it.
�Isn�t that wonderful,� thought the doctor. �My daughter wants to grow up to be just like me.�
Then the little girl spoke into the stethascope and said, �Welcome to McDonalds!
May I take your order?�
7. A Sunday School teacher asked her little group as they were on their way to the church service, �And why is it important to be very quiet in church?�
One little guy answered immediately, �Because people are sleeping.�
Please Excuse -- Real Notes from Real Parents
- Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
- Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football and was hurt in the growing part.
- Dear School: Please excuse John for being absent on January 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
- Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
- Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
- Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought that it was Sunday.
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