Favorite (Probably real) headlines from Newspapers:
     (Thanks to Jeff Deluzio)

No One Killed in Fatal Crash
Sex Education Delayed: Teachers Demand Training
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Blind Woman Gets Kidney from Dad She Hasn�t Seen in Years
Death Causes Loneliness, Feelings of Isolation
Queen Mary to have Bottom Scraped
Child�s Death Ruins Couple�s Holiday
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Include Your Children When Baking Bread and Cookies
Two Sisters United after 18 Years in Loblaws Checkout
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Legislator wants Tougher Death Penalty
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Air Head Fired
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Deer Kill 17,000

As Reported in a U.S. Bar Association Journal.

These are actual questions asked by lawyers. The witnesses often do respond.

Q: Now, Doctor, isn�t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn�t know about it until the next morning?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Q: Were you alone or by yourself?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: And how many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: How many times have you commited suicide?
A: No answer.

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

(We speculate that the poor attorney was having a mumbling witness)
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: You were not shot in the fracus?
A: No. I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure?
A: Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.

"Principal Transfers Upset Parents"      Des Moines Register
"Editor's Wife Rented to 2 Suspects, FBI says"      Chicago Tribune
"Sikh Student Suspended Over Dagger"      Vancouver Province
"Natives Abused as Children Accept Settlement"      The Globe and Mail
"Diseased Orange Trees Replaced by Students"      Los Angeles Times
"Genetically Modified Crops Talk of Meeting"      News Gazette (Champaign, Ill.)
"British Foot-in-mouth Remedy: Massive Slaughter"      Colorado Springs Gazette
"Asteroid Nearly Misses Earth"      Washington Post