| 1.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit
there.
2. A day
without sunshine is like night.
3. In just
two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
4. Brain
cells come and brain cells go. But fat cells live forever.
5. Age doesn't
always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
6. Practise
safe eating. Always use a condiment.
7. You don't
stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
8. I am in
shape. Round is a shape.
9. In this
high-tech world, remember that amateurs built the Ark, professionals built
the Titanic.
10. Talk
is cheap. Supply always exceeds demand.
Deep Thoughts
from Jack Handy (Do visit the site below, especially if you like these
samples)
1. It takes
a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
2. A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then
you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear
that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
3. When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is
if they ever press charges.
4. I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they
don't just go by size, because I bet there are Chihuahuas out there with
some good ideas.
5. We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff
at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
Visit Deep
Thoughts by Jack Handy for other weird and wonderful observations.
BEST things to say if you�re caught sleeping at your desk:
�They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen.�
�Somebody switched our coffee to Decaf.�
��in Jesus� name, Amen.�
�Don�t worry about the world coming to an end today. It�s already tomorrow in Australia.�
Charles Schultz
Questions that George Carlin asks us to think about:
Why do we say something is �out of whack�? What�s a �whack�?
Why are a �wise man� and a �wise guy� opposites?
Why do �overlook� and �oversee� mean opposite things?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It�s only stale bread.
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Why is the person who invests your money called a �broker�?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why isn�t the number 11 pronounced �onety-one�?
What ever happened to Preparations A through G?
What would the speed of lightening be if it didn�t zig zag?
Amazing but Probably Useless Facts
- Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
- There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
- There are more chickens than people in the world.
- No word in the English Language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
- Winston Churchill was born in a Ladies' Room during a dance.
- Rubber bands last longer if refrigerated.
- A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
- A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
- Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
- The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
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